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| 10:19pm 23/05/2007 |
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So I was sitting in my car today in between classes, eating a California navel orange and listening to Johann Bach on the radio. Talk about a sensory overload. If only it had been one of those picturesque Southern California days. Which reminds me, when will the weather make up its' mind to stay in summer mode? |
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| 11:28pm 13/05/2007 |
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I have the propensity to pick and choose what I consider the proper etiquette. In other words, my book of manners would somewhat resemble the Jefferson Bible as opposed to the standard Christian Bible, lacking enough essential parts not to be universally accepted, but still somewhat representing the complete idea.
Take for instance thank you notes. I cannot remember the last time I wrote, let alone sent a thank you note. Consciously this is due to the fact that they take time and effort, when a simple verbal "thank you" is more than enough. Subconsciously I think this is because I believe that the greatest gift is the gift of giving. The look of surprise on one's face upon receiving a gift is the greatest return that I could ask for- I don't need a card to remind me that I have given a gift. Besides, it is not long after the initial "thank you" that the card is awkwardly drawn out and inexorably fake.
Another problem I have deals with phone etiquette. First of all, I abhor the idea of owning a cell phone, mostly due to the fact that they are too entirely convenient (I own one still, regardless). Some parts of the day I would rather not be accessible at the touch of a button. For instance any time I am ever in conversation with somebody else. (BTW it should be against social practice to answer the phone in the middle of a conversation.) So it should be understood that sometimes I won't answer. And of course I have the worst memory ever, so chances are I WILL forget to call back, hence the reason for voice mail.
The other thing that bugs me is "the game." You know, all the nit-picky stuff that has to do with dating and relationships. For instance I was asking a friend for advice and he said "Girls like communication, and if conversation ever gets awkwardly silent you just ask questions, lots and lots of questions... always works." I hate how some people compare dating to a game and relationships to a complex set of equations or rules that govern interpersonal success. Should a relationship be based off of a number of guidelines that say what you should do, how you should act, etc. No, fool, just be yourself... otherwise the relationship is based on something fake. Honestly, the whole process has acquired so much red tape and in-depth analysis that the slightest mishap leaves both individuals in a paradoxical state of mistrust, causing each other to submerge themselves into a dark cloud of assumptions.
Assumptions, oh do I loathe you most of all. As if one can assume that my actions today are the consequence of some longstanding tradition/ series of actions. As if one can assume that a certain action is always caused as a reaction of another. Please. I am sure on more than one occasion that an action will give rise to a consistent pattern of reactions, and this consistency can be measured and evaluated to show a certain trend or progression. However for any one action there may be millions of related reactions that could have been the cause. Oh assumptions, you are the worst fallacies, because you are always a fallacy. |
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| 05:18pm 08/05/2007 |
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June 3rd, mark your calendar, is the day i will run my first marathon. Finished a solid 15 miles today in just over 2:01:30. That is roughly 8:05 minutes per mile, which would translate to a 3:31 marathon. Unfortunately, to qualify for Boston I would have to shave off about a minute per mile to make that 3:10 cut off (7:15 per mile). Good thing qualifying doesn't start until September, and at the rate I have been training thats just enough to shed some time off that pace.
I can honestly say that running is a crucial part of my life. I don't know how many of you understand this, but there is something about the slow steady rhythm of movement and breathing, coupled with fresh air and the outdoors that puts you into a trance-like state, while running. It is almost like my quiet place, where I can go and sort out thoughts or problems. Running is a good time of self evaluation and self cultivation for me. A time to evaluate whats wrong in my life, or whats good in my life. I think without this part of my day, my head would just be a mess of unsorted ideas. Running is almost like a time to file the information that is thrown at me on a daily basis (office analogy- obviously suggesting I have spent way too much time at work lately).
Anyways, I will be expecting calls of congratulations on June 4th!!!! |
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| 2007 |
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| 09:45pm 07/05/2007 |
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It turns out that 2007 is very much the year for change around the Tristan/Kovatch household. As most of you don't know I spent a majority of Saturday moving my sister out of the house. This just five months after she attained a full-time accounting position. This is great for more than one reason.
A. She is out of the house. Don't get me wrong... we get along. But with a little brother that is getting a little too old to be sleeping in the same room with his parents, it was about time one of us gave up our room for him.
B. She kind of set the stage for what can be done. It would have been borderline pathetic if I left the house before she did, but now it will be a lot easier to leave (I am already sleeping on a futon, I mean my mom is eyeballing my room as a future extension of the laundry room.)
C. I get her TV and DVD player. It has come in handy, especially considering that the set of computer speakers I just bought now double as my TV/DVD surround sound (oh the technology these days.)
This of course is not the first change. My little sister just turned 13. Scary for multiple reasons, including the fact that she is taller than all of my girl friends AND 13 IS the landmark birthday, seeing as it is the first 'teen' year.
Speaking of landmark birthdays, MY landmark birthday is only a couple months (3 months and 22 days to be exact) from now.
This AND my little brother now speaks on a regular basis. Not full sentences or even full words all the time, but it is enough to understand what it is he is talking about/ wants.
To top it off I may finally be going off to college somewhere come August. Yes, this is the year of change. Now if only my psycho neighbor could move out, and perhaps be replaced by an attractive young lady friend. |
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| The story of Margaret Beyer |
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| 08:54am 30/04/2007 |
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She returned today, the reason why I haven't opened my blinds in the past decade or so. Nobody knows exactly at what point she went crazy, but it is quite obvious that she has some deep feeling of resentment towards my family. Rumor has it that she drove her husband to commit suicide, or worse- that she closed the garage door on him herself. Neither of which is the story she told her daughters. According to her, my grandmother killed him- highly unlikely considering the incident reportedly happened in the mountains, in some far off family cabin, the whereabouts of which no one really knows. But thats how I have grown up, knowing without a shadow of a doubt that my family is completely normal, but also knowing that within the shadow of our house, just 20 feet from my room, slept a wiry old lady with enough vitriol in her veins to dish out some serious damage.
So I awoke this morning to what seemed to be a domestic dispute going on next door. As it turns out, Margie had returned late last night and was just screaming into her phone (and I don't think anybody was on the receiving end.) The content of her "conversation" was everything she hated about my family. She came up with all sorts of profane thoughts about us. She went off for a few minutes about my sister's new truck. She proceeded to call my mother a slut for remarrying and having her first child out of wedlock. This thought of course escalated to the assumption that I come from a family of polygamists. She screamed, she yelled, deep down inside she is convinced, without a shadow of a doubt, that our family is the root of all evil.
Up until now she has never done anything considerably aggressive towards our family. On a few occasions she has come to ring our doorbell, and only one time did that escalate into a heated exchange of words (mostly just us yelling at her to go away). Other than that, she has exhausted most of her hatred for us by flipping us off as we drive past her driveway or shaking her fists at us as she stands at the very corner of her property closest to our house, or purposely dumping her yard waste over our wall. But most of all, she LOVES her early morning phone conversations with herself at fucking 6 o'clock in the morning!!!!
Honestly, what have I done to deserve living next to such a lunatic. The scary realization is that this lady could cause my family real physical harm. Who knows haw far it could go?? Who knows what kind of insanity runs through her mind as she mows her lawn twice a day outside my fucking window. At what point will thoughts turn into words turn into actions??
And I was so looking forward to sleeping in today...
P.S. I ran my 19 miler yesterday. Irvine Park to Pacific Coast Highway. |
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| Anyone feel like this?? |
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| 05:24pm 23/03/2007 |
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Its either sometimes I feel like I am not even the main character in my own life, or I feel like I am the narrator, merely watching my life, somewhat detached from the general events and happenings that occur on a daily basis. |
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| Wednesday Ramblings |
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| 01:46pm 21/03/2007 |
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I am noticing that any aspiration in my life now requires a trade-off to be accomplished. I have spread out my time so thin that I have little left to spare, which leaves two possibilities-
1. maintain the status of life that I currently have
2. trade off one goal for another
Right now I have two new aspirations in life, to compete in a half marathon in June and to develop a relationship with a certain somebody. It seems ludicrous that these two goals are being categorized along with paying off my credit card debt, saving money, getting into college/doing well in school, fixing my car, becoming a better catholic, and last (but not least) having fun- too name a few. I am starting to realize that pleasing everybody is impossible. As a non confrontational type person, I feel that I am often a push over. I am too worried about pleasing others than the consequences that it puts on my life. Furthermore, my time is spread so thin that it is seemingly impossible to make any significant movement towards any of these goals. Instead I am slowly moving towards them all, spreading out my time, spreading out my energy. I don't like the way that my life is being shaped, it is too reminiscent of the mis crafted American dream- the dream that everybody once realizes is not right for them, but continues in pursuit anyways.... |
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| 08:02pm 09/03/2007 |
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Tuesday I went on my favorite run in Santiago Oaks park. This park borders the very edge of the cities of Orange and Anaheim Hills, and serves as a buffer region between civilization and the open wild. One cool thing that the local park rangers do is post up signs saying when the last mountain lion sighting was. Thats cool to know... except when you are running alone and the latest sighting was the day before. (Yupp, there was a sighting on March 5th and it was Tuesday the 6th.) Needless to say I didn't pay heed to the sign and continued on my way. It was the most silent run of my life. Not only was I trying to keep quiet in anticipation of the sound of paws hitting ground behind me, straining my ears to hear any deep growls that would signal I was under attack- it seemed like the whole park was dead silent. No scurrying of lizards, or bird songs, or even rustling of the brush. The marsh land in between Santiago Oaks and Irvine Park was eerily quiet and still. While I ran I was imagining different hunting scenes unfolding in the wide open land that stretched ahead of me, praying all the while that I wasn't about to become cat food.
The hardest decision was choosing whether to run back through the park or along Santiago Canyon Road to get to my car. It was three miles either way, the difference was my level vulnerability. In one instance I would be flanked by a busy street on one side and a cemetery on the other. Or I could run along a truck trail flanked on both sides by 3 foot tall walls of thick brush. Easy enough decision- one would think. But part of me yearned to encounter the cunning feline that could kill me in one swift attack. The chances of getting attacked by a mountain lion are slimmer than getting struck by lightning, but the result is almost assuredly death. This is a predator that rarely ever misses its mark- two teeth marks on the neck, usually at the base of the head. The chances of encountering a mountain lion are a lot higher, meaning not all encounters result in an attack.
Nonetheless I chose to take the street. One day I will encounter a mountain lion in the wild, but until that day there is no use instigating an encounter. |
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| 03:24pm 26/02/2007 |
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My substitute nutrition teacher said it best.
"You walk into a bar and order the substance that is free, one of the 6 essential nutrients, and composes 90% of your body and people look at you funny. However, if you order the substance that is toxic to your body and poses an imminent threat for liver health- you are part of the crowd."
Its such a guilty pleasure. It changes people. It causes you to do stuff you normally wouldn't. It allows you to do stuff you normally wouldn't. It can transform personalities for the better or the worse. Its a catalyst between how we act on a daily basis and how we really feel. They say that a drunk man's words are a sober man's thoughts. So in that moment, in our belligerent state, it would seem that we are being completely honest. But the sincerity is so bitter sweet because human nature doesn't function at that level. We are so much more complex. I guess that is why its such an escape- a temporary escape, of course, because the moment you start drinking you are introducing a sort of pseudo-self into the world. And honestly, how many of us are going to act exactly the same when we have a chance not to.
"Fill it up again! Fill it up again! Once it hits your lips, its so good!" |
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| 2006... A year of change |
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| 09:17pm 13/02/2007 |
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Ok so I know that the calendar year has long since passed into 2007, but fiscally I am just now looking back on 2006 in retrospect as I file my taxes. Boy was 2006 an upside down year for me!!!
In a sense it was probably the most devastating year of my life. For the first time in my life I failed at something that was utterly important to me. For the first time in my life I felt helpless. This is W2 #1 -the UC Irvine Campus Recreation Center. Wow, and to think that was just a year ago. I have never felt that lost in my life. Waking up every day to go do something I dreaded- to the point of absolute hate. I hated the fact that it just wasn't clicking. For the first time ever I just wasn't able fit things into place. Ugh commuting, calculus, and hours of homework- probably the lowest of lows in my life.
Thats when all of the hatred, disappointment and failure culminated into one bold act of quitting. It was hard to recognize my shortcomings, to admit that things were not working out, and to cut my losses short. Looking back I only wish I had done it sooner. This is W2 #2 Hollister. Wallowing in academic failure I find my happiness in the superficial. Looking back this brief stint of my life is rather embarrassing. Almost as embarrassing as the fact that I made more in the past 2 weeks than I did in a month and a half at Hollister. I see this period as a psychological regression back to the last place of comfort in my life- high school.
Then comes summer and with it freedom!!! Realizing that the Hollister gig was a dead end, and in anticipation of an up and coming Pismo Beach offroad trip I slump to an all time low status of unemployment. For the first time in years I have no responsibilities to attend to. I spend the following 2 weeks straight at the beach.
Then comes W2 #3 The Hyatt Regency Newporter. Largely under the influence of Jason Fry and the baller status of his job at Mac Shack, I pursue a job as a server assistant in proximity to the summer beach scene. I land the job with Hyatt at the upscale Sol Restaurant. Little did I know that I was embarking on the most successful ($$$$) but least rewarding experience of my life. Not to mention the fact that I was committing myself to hours that few salaried employees would even consider. Still, after only 13 days (9 of which I actually worked) I walked away with upward of $900 (oh the joys of overtime and tips). Fed up with the work, stress, and little room for play/ a social life, I quit in anticipation for a 12 day endeavor into the Honduran Aldeas.
The next few months of 2006 (August through October) are the spiritual apex of my life. As one might suspect this was also the largest slump (financially) that I had ever been in. Where Honduras put me one step forward spiritually and strengthened my self esteem and my faith, it put me one step backward financially. I was 2 months out of a job when my sister finally suggested I go work with her. Yes, W2 #4, Thermal Vac technologies. Oh, the life of a blue collar worker. At first it was liberating. Heat treating parts using induction brazing was an exciting adventure in my life. I had my own shop all to myself where I could blast the radio and focus on my work. It probably would have worked if the job was not so tedious. I tell you what, if you can find anybody that can scotch bright metal fittings for 5 hours straight and then want to go back and do it again the next day, well... they have one up on me. Not to mention trying to fit 33 hour work weeks in with your school week, while competing for the school cross country team. And I finally realized that the hours of 3-8 are probably the worst time to work if you want a social life. I had had enough.
Low on money and in search of something easy I regressed back to my roots. W2 #5, Cinema City Theaters. Partly because it is just second nature, and partly because the scheduling is so perfect I went back to my comfort zone. This was probably the smartest decision I have ever made. I needed to go back to the last layer of solid foundation before my world came tumbling down on me. Surrounded by friends and an excellent work schedule I was able to finish out the semester on top. At the expense of a couple holidays working and the constant aroma of popcorn and janitors closet I was able to plant my feet again.
Now with my head square on my shoulders and a mix of aspirations and dreams for the coming year, I can only hope that 2008 won't see me at the same place I started in 2007. From here on out its looking forward and up. There is a whole lot of world out there for me to conquer and I am just now starting in the right direction.
Its sometimes hard for the man with an exceptionally large gait to remember that he started out taking baby steps. Hopefully my steps this year are a little bit more uniform and concise. |
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| I was born a ramblin man |
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| 07:41pm 18/01/2007 |
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music: Allman Brothers- Ramblin Man
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Tomorrow night I am leaving for the east coast. It is only a temporary trip, not for good. However, the experiences from this trip may decide where I spend the next two years of my life. I have narrowed it down to two schools (UMass and Ohio), perhaps after this trip I will even narrow it down to one.
I am way stoked for New York. Saturday morning I will be in New York City... it sounds so unreal. This will be my first trip to the big apple, accommodations courtesy of Meghan (probably the coolest girl I have ever known). I think I may be more excited for this part of the trip than everything else combined, naturally, seeing as there are a million more things to do in New York City than anywhere else I can think of. Ugh... can't wait!!!
I found out today I might be able to go to Brazil this summer. I will post more info about that trip to come. I am beginning to like the idea of traveling. Everybody says they want to travel the world before they die, I am determined to be one of the few that really does. |
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| True story, and a good one too |
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| 10:19pm 16/01/2007 |
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When I was 7 years old I bought a pair of Lee jeans. To be completely honest, my mother bought them for me- I had nothing to do with my own personal clothing style until about 6th grade (By that point it was completely obvious that I dressed myself. Green camouflage print Pipe shorts, a royal blue soccer jersey, and orange striped Adidas All-Star tennis shoes come to mind- worn together as one outfit, not separately. But that is neither here nor there.) The fact of the matter is that, on this occasion, I received my first pair of jeans. The thing with Lee jeans, and most likely all children's jeans at the time, is that they were made with a riveted button- the kind that snapped open and clicked shut.
I am not sure how many of you have had experience trying to button or unbutton this style of jeans, but from what I recall it was rather challenging for a kid of my age to do so, especially since this was before the time of loose fitting and baggy clothing. I can recall one instance where I was stuck between a rock and a hard place while dealing with the riveted button of my Lee jeans. It happened during recess at Anaheim Hills Elementary School. At that young age I had already realized how disgusting public bathrooms were, especially school bathrooms. Therefore, it was very hard to weigh-out the situation that was at hand. For some strange reason I was particularly gassy that day, and I could not unbutton my pair of Lee jeans. Fearing that the situation would escalate to the point of defecation I hid in the bathroom stall all recess, working at the button and trying to pry it open.
When the school bell rang I panicked. I had worked at the button all recess to no avail and faced returning to class and possibly crapping my pants, an occurrence I could never live down. As soon as I entered class I asked to see the school nurse. There I complained of a bad stomach ache (which wasn't a total lie, just a slight exaggeration). The nurse immediately called my mother to take me home, where I resolved the problem at hand. (My mother wasn't all too pleased that she had to drive home from work just so I could use the bathroom at home.)
From that day forward I had a morbid fear of wearing jeans. In order to dissuade my mother from buying me new pairs of jeans, I used the argument that they restricted motion in physical activity during PE and other playground activities. I lived the next decade of my life in shorts, no matter what the weather was like. It was not until Thanksgiving 2003, during my junior year of high school, that I bought my next pair of jeans. And even then I made sure that they did not have a riveted button (which I believe would have been, at the time, outdated). |
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| Good idea |
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| 03:36pm 14/01/2007 |
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Instead of going alone to buy clothes and running the risk of clothing mishaps, it is a lot easier to take a girl with you for advice. You don't even need to tell them that they are going with you for advice, just simply mention shopping and they will find time to go right away. That way you escape the possibility of buying something hideous, the advice is coming from the opposite sex- therefore it is golden, and you get to spend quality time with a good girl friend of yours. Its a lot easier and cheaper than trial and error buying and hit or miss impulse buys. Just nonchalantly ask them to pick out a shirt for you or ask how something looks. They will be honest and correct. |
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| Its cold!! |
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| 11:00am 13/01/2007 |
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I went for a run at 8 AM this morning, and my testicles are just now (3 hours later) reverting back to their normal appending position. They had previously sought refuge somewhere inside my stomach. Does it bug anybody else that 4 days ago the outside temperature at 9:30 PM was higher than yesterday's highest temperature (all day). I am beginning to hate this whole El Nino deal. |
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| 03:51pm 23/12/2006 |
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I can't even count how many times I have heard this in the past week.
"It is really cool coming back [to Anaheim Hills] for a little bit, but not for a long time. Its not really home anymore. At the same time, I want to go back to school"
This just further reinforces how much I want to get out of here. In a sense I already feel like this isn't home anymore. There isn't really anything for me here. I have known that for a while now. My unfortunate situation has left me here, waiting for the next step. Waiting, waiting, waiting. I feel as though I am rotting away, going bad, going stale, or something of that nature. I can't even stand being in my house, the house I grew up in, the room I have occupied for the greater portion of my life. My time is better spent elsewhere.
I feel like the old bottle of vino we found in the trailer the other day. Unlike other types of wine, under normal circumstances, it did not age well at all. Instead it had been exposed to extreme heat and had partially solidified, creating a taste like partially fermented raisins. I really need to go somewhere, soon. |
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| Shoot son |
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| 06:49pm 15/12/2006 |
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right now, things are looking good.
My latest project http://www.canyonhillsrunners.com - a community running club.
I get to check out my top college picks in January.
Christmas is in 10 days.
Everybody is coming home from school.
I get an MRI of my leg done on Monday.
Glamis in late December with all my friends.
School is over for another 5o some odd days.
most of all, its supposed to rain tomorrow.
Glorious.
I like the way things are going these days. |
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| 12:48am 07/12/2006 |
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I never did my university choice #2
Anyways, Ohio University is in the small town of Athens in the south-eastern quadrant of Ohio. It is known for being the most haunted university in America, its crazy halloween party, and the Scripps School of Journalism. As far as journalism goes, its kind of a big deal. It is also big on the sports management program, one of the top in the country. Perhaps a sports management major with a journalism minor (too bad the journalism school is so exclusive they only offer major programs)- I could join the ranks of alumnus Jay Mariotti (any of you watch Around the Horn?).
I cannot wait for finals to pass. My next major project is an attempt to freelance write an article for Runners World magazine. I was thinking of writing about how unique the running sub-culture is. Or maybe even relating running to repetetive prayer found in some religions. |
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| In search of a happy medium |
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| 08:39pm 19/11/2006 |
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So we found out that it isn't always a good idea to have one political faction (in this case the Republicans) with a stronghold in each branch of government. But, it seems that this principle is true both ways. This is the latest by a Democrat in the House of Representatives, Charles Rangel.
Article on Reinstating the Draft
( Read more )
I am well aware that this country is confounded on issues of voluntary murder due to a woman's right to privacy. However, conscription is an issue that is more clear cut, not delving into any social taboo. Where is the freedom in this proposal?? Where is my right to choose- to select my own fate?? This seems to me an encroachment on Jefferson's promise in pursuit of happiness. I am as optimistic as Rumsfeld that this idea will not go over- at all, ever... however I would temporarily lose faith in this great country if soever it does. |
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sinepymkcus's journal